Tomorrow is my due date. I am filled with such joy and gratitude, and I haven't even looked into her eyes yet. I have had a marvelous pregnancy! I've felt healthy and lucky and beautiful, and I trust in the process, the universe, God, my body, my daughter, that all will work out as it should, and that I was meant to mother this little girl.
I am treasuring each and every wave in my belly. I have adored feeling her move inside of me, at times making me giggle out loud or jump with surprise! Who would have thought that another person's hiccups could bring me such delight?
I talk to her, read to her, sing to her constantly. I just can't even begin to imagine how her presence outside the womb will enrich my world, but I know it will!
On Monday, March 15th (the day all along I predicted she'd arrive!) I went to my mid-wife appointment, only to learn that in fact I had dilated to 2cm and was 50% effaced! I called Brian to share the word, and after months of calm, cool, educated and informed, he was so adorable, goofy, and giddy, hardly able to spit out a thought with the excitement of the news! I reminded him to breath and suggested he stay at work! Now 2 days later I am not so sure we're any closer to delivery, but it's getting more and more difficult to get around and change positions.
I've been busy wrapping up all sorts of Real Estate work. Funny how I've had almost no work for months, then two weeks before the due date everyone and their brother needed a Realtor. I'm grateful for the opportunity to pay for some diapers (!) but now am ready to let it go and allow others to help me get through the next few weeks.
My friends have been calling and checking in....Kim, Shelly, Tammy, Kristen, all wanting to show some last minute love and support. Lucky! Every time I call Grandma, or Nana and Grandpa, I hear the excitement in their tone thinking that this "might be THE call". I think dad had his bags packed for the hospital before I did! They are all going to be such amazing grandparents.
I have had typical fears and anxieties, though nothing that has overwhelmed me, and nothing that compared to the peaceful amazement that I experience daily. I worry that this whole birthing experience will hurt.....you think? But then I hear that inner voice reminding me how strong I am (and the positive affirmation meditations in an Australian accent....You are perfectly capable of birthing this baby!) and how many women before me have faced and embraced this pain and how worth it it is!
I am grateful that Brian has been the active, involved, loving partner that he is. He has been a trooper, accepting me as I am, obviously very psyched to embrace his new role as dad. This morning as he pat the baby belly goodbye, he said to her, "I love you, Rudy" (our pup!?!). I suspect this is not the last time baby gets called Rudy! It has made me laugh all day.
And now her official "due date" is here, and I am humbled by the whole experience, and realize that now is the time for me to let go of control and expectations, and just appreciate each moment for how it plays out.
I LOVE YOU, MY SWEET DAUGHTER, EACH DAY MORE THAN THE LAST. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO HOLD YOU, AND STARE INTO YOUR EYES, AND KISS YOU, AND SMELL YOU, AND FEEL YOUR SOFT SKIN, AND THANK MY LUCKY STARS EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE IN MY LIFE!!!!
