ready!

Tomorrow is my due date. I am filled with such joy and gratitude, and I haven't even looked into her eyes yet. I have had a marvelous pregnancy! I've felt healthy and lucky and beautiful, and I trust in the process, the universe, God, my body, my daughter, that all will work out as it should, and that I was meant to mother this little girl.

I am treasuring each and every wave in my belly. I have adored feeling her move inside of me, at times making me giggle out loud or jump with surprise! Who would have thought that another person's hiccups could bring me such delight?

I talk to her, read to her, sing to her constantly. I just can't even begin to imagine how her presence outside the womb will enrich my world, but I know it will!

On Monday, March 15th (the day all along I predicted she'd arrive!) I went to my mid-wife appointment, only to learn that in fact I had dilated to 2cm and was 50% effaced! I called Brian to share the word, and after months of calm, cool, educated and informed, he was so adorable, goofy, and giddy, hardly able to spit out a thought with the excitement of the news! I reminded him to breath and suggested he stay at work! Now 2 days later I am not so sure we're any closer to delivery, but it's getting more and more difficult to get around and change positions.

I've been busy wrapping up all sorts of Real Estate work. Funny how I've had almost no work for months, then two weeks before the due date everyone and their brother needed a Realtor. I'm grateful for the opportunity to pay for some diapers (!) but now am ready to let it go and allow others to help me get through the next few weeks.

My friends have been calling and checking in....Kim, Shelly, Tammy, Kristen, all wanting to show some last minute love and support. Lucky! Every time I call Grandma, or Nana and Grandpa, I hear the excitement in their tone thinking that this "might be THE call". I think dad had his bags packed for the hospital before I did! They are all going to be such amazing grandparents.

I have had typical fears and anxieties, though nothing that has overwhelmed me, and nothing that compared to the peaceful amazement that I experience daily. I worry that this whole birthing experience will hurt.....you think? But then I hear that inner voice reminding me how strong I am (and the positive affirmation meditations in an Australian accent....You are perfectly capable of birthing this baby!) and how many women before me have faced and embraced this pain and how worth it it is!

I am grateful that Brian has been the active, involved, loving partner that he is. He has been a trooper, accepting me as I am, obviously very psyched to embrace his new role as dad. This morning as he pat the baby belly goodbye, he said to her, "I love you, Rudy" (our pup!?!). I suspect this is not the last time baby gets called Rudy! It has made me laugh all day.

And now her official "due date" is here, and I am humbled by the whole experience, and realize that now is the time for me to let go of control and expectations, and just appreciate each moment for how it plays out.

I LOVE YOU, MY SWEET DAUGHTER, EACH DAY MORE THAN THE LAST. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO HOLD YOU, AND STARE INTO YOUR EYES, AND KISS YOU, AND SMELL YOU, AND FEEL YOUR SOFT SKIN, AND THANK MY LUCKY STARS EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE IN MY LIFE!!!!

less than 2 weeks!!!

Well, due date is less than 2 weeks away. I've said all along that I predict an early delivery, but time will tell. I can say that I've felt very different this week, achey, crampy, pooped, with little bursts of energy. The HUGE "to do" list is getting done (finally!). It could happen tonight and we'd be fine.

Today I had lunch with Sarah and 2 month old Lucia. She's just beautiful!!! Itty bitty 10# baby girl. Slept the whole lunch!

I'm feeling more and more emotional. I'm very grateful to be working with our wonderful doulas. They have helped set my mind at ease greatly. I just can't wait to kiss and kiss and kiss her soft little face!!!!

HAPPY MARCH!!!

I've slacked off quite a bit this past month.....so much to do, so much going on! Slowly, one by one, all my new pregnant friends have had their babies! Sam and Sarah had baby Lucia. Rich and Alicia had baby Amelia. Brian and Heather had baby Graham. It's very surreal!

We have agreed to work with Peaceful Beginnings Doulas, a lovely group of strong women who will coach us through the birthing process. They will support Brian in supporting me, which is priceless in my opinion. My never ending "to do" list is shrinking. I'm such a planner, and in true "Acker" style, this baby is being brought into the world with as much preparation as possible! Everything is washed and disinfected. Freezer is stocked. All baby stuff is bought, folded, organized. Bags are packed with a final list for last minute items.

I've been practicing my Hypnobirthing meditations, along with breathing techniques, birthing positions. Brian hasn't really been involved in this part. As the time draws nearer I'm wishing he had. I'm not sure what a big believer he is in meditation and the power of positive thinking, though I know in his Yoga practice he understands how incredible breathwork is in being present in each moment.

Yesterday, listening to Fleetwood Mac, the song "Landslide" came on...a song that I've always known I would sing to my baby. When I heard the first note, I stopped what I was doing and let the tears flow, knowing how soon this would be a reality. The idea that my full grown baby girl is snuggled in my belly right now is truly the most amazing thing that I have EVER experienced in 38 years!

The grandparents continue to be thrilled and supportive, all so eager to meet this little girl. I've introduced myself to Brian's Mom, Alice, via email, and she too expresses excitement and support. We'll meet face to face in early May. What a lucky baby!

I'm trying to savor the end of this lovely journey, before the true adventure begins. I have loved being pregnant. I'll miss feeling her inside of me, stretching, hiccups, kicking. The discomforts of pregnancy have been mild compared to the joys.

I can't wait to meet her. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit scared. I am confident that I gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which I really stop to look fear in the face and do the thing I think I cannot do. I have never been more grateful than I am this very moment.