ready!

Tomorrow is my due date. I am filled with such joy and gratitude, and I haven't even looked into her eyes yet. I have had a marvelous pregnancy! I've felt healthy and lucky and beautiful, and I trust in the process, the universe, God, my body, my daughter, that all will work out as it should, and that I was meant to mother this little girl.

I am treasuring each and every wave in my belly. I have adored feeling her move inside of me, at times making me giggle out loud or jump with surprise! Who would have thought that another person's hiccups could bring me such delight?

I talk to her, read to her, sing to her constantly. I just can't even begin to imagine how her presence outside the womb will enrich my world, but I know it will!

On Monday, March 15th (the day all along I predicted she'd arrive!) I went to my mid-wife appointment, only to learn that in fact I had dilated to 2cm and was 50% effaced! I called Brian to share the word, and after months of calm, cool, educated and informed, he was so adorable, goofy, and giddy, hardly able to spit out a thought with the excitement of the news! I reminded him to breath and suggested he stay at work! Now 2 days later I am not so sure we're any closer to delivery, but it's getting more and more difficult to get around and change positions.

I've been busy wrapping up all sorts of Real Estate work. Funny how I've had almost no work for months, then two weeks before the due date everyone and their brother needed a Realtor. I'm grateful for the opportunity to pay for some diapers (!) but now am ready to let it go and allow others to help me get through the next few weeks.

My friends have been calling and checking in....Kim, Shelly, Tammy, Kristen, all wanting to show some last minute love and support. Lucky! Every time I call Grandma, or Nana and Grandpa, I hear the excitement in their tone thinking that this "might be THE call". I think dad had his bags packed for the hospital before I did! They are all going to be such amazing grandparents.

I have had typical fears and anxieties, though nothing that has overwhelmed me, and nothing that compared to the peaceful amazement that I experience daily. I worry that this whole birthing experience will hurt.....you think? But then I hear that inner voice reminding me how strong I am (and the positive affirmation meditations in an Australian accent....You are perfectly capable of birthing this baby!) and how many women before me have faced and embraced this pain and how worth it it is!

I am grateful that Brian has been the active, involved, loving partner that he is. He has been a trooper, accepting me as I am, obviously very psyched to embrace his new role as dad. This morning as he pat the baby belly goodbye, he said to her, "I love you, Rudy" (our pup!?!). I suspect this is not the last time baby gets called Rudy! It has made me laugh all day.

And now her official "due date" is here, and I am humbled by the whole experience, and realize that now is the time for me to let go of control and expectations, and just appreciate each moment for how it plays out.

I LOVE YOU, MY SWEET DAUGHTER, EACH DAY MORE THAN THE LAST. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO HOLD YOU, AND STARE INTO YOUR EYES, AND KISS YOU, AND SMELL YOU, AND FEEL YOUR SOFT SKIN, AND THANK MY LUCKY STARS EVERY DAY THAT YOU ARE IN MY LIFE!!!!

less than 2 weeks!!!

Well, due date is less than 2 weeks away. I've said all along that I predict an early delivery, but time will tell. I can say that I've felt very different this week, achey, crampy, pooped, with little bursts of energy. The HUGE "to do" list is getting done (finally!). It could happen tonight and we'd be fine.

Today I had lunch with Sarah and 2 month old Lucia. She's just beautiful!!! Itty bitty 10# baby girl. Slept the whole lunch!

I'm feeling more and more emotional. I'm very grateful to be working with our wonderful doulas. They have helped set my mind at ease greatly. I just can't wait to kiss and kiss and kiss her soft little face!!!!

HAPPY MARCH!!!

I've slacked off quite a bit this past month.....so much to do, so much going on! Slowly, one by one, all my new pregnant friends have had their babies! Sam and Sarah had baby Lucia. Rich and Alicia had baby Amelia. Brian and Heather had baby Graham. It's very surreal!

We have agreed to work with Peaceful Beginnings Doulas, a lovely group of strong women who will coach us through the birthing process. They will support Brian in supporting me, which is priceless in my opinion. My never ending "to do" list is shrinking. I'm such a planner, and in true "Acker" style, this baby is being brought into the world with as much preparation as possible! Everything is washed and disinfected. Freezer is stocked. All baby stuff is bought, folded, organized. Bags are packed with a final list for last minute items.

I've been practicing my Hypnobirthing meditations, along with breathing techniques, birthing positions. Brian hasn't really been involved in this part. As the time draws nearer I'm wishing he had. I'm not sure what a big believer he is in meditation and the power of positive thinking, though I know in his Yoga practice he understands how incredible breathwork is in being present in each moment.

Yesterday, listening to Fleetwood Mac, the song "Landslide" came on...a song that I've always known I would sing to my baby. When I heard the first note, I stopped what I was doing and let the tears flow, knowing how soon this would be a reality. The idea that my full grown baby girl is snuggled in my belly right now is truly the most amazing thing that I have EVER experienced in 38 years!

The grandparents continue to be thrilled and supportive, all so eager to meet this little girl. I've introduced myself to Brian's Mom, Alice, via email, and she too expresses excitement and support. We'll meet face to face in early May. What a lucky baby!

I'm trying to savor the end of this lovely journey, before the true adventure begins. I have loved being pregnant. I'll miss feeling her inside of me, stretching, hiccups, kicking. The discomforts of pregnancy have been mild compared to the joys.

I can't wait to meet her. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit scared. I am confident that I gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which I really stop to look fear in the face and do the thing I think I cannot do. I have never been more grateful than I am this very moment.

Man Shower

Our 4th and final shower was amazing! Brian's friends rallied at Asheville Pizza and Brewing. Despite the snow, there was a great turn out! (in attendance: Ingrid, Brandon, Keri, Morning, Todd, Catherine, Eric, Karen, Brad, Claire, Cedrick, Serena, Kim S, Kim R, Stephen, Sandra, Edna, Mike, Kyle, Gwen, Lee, Tammy). Friends pitched in and bought Brian (and me!) a sweet baby jogger! Many other generous and thoughtful gifts, and warm support!!! Baby is a lucky little girl!

Shower by Mom and Barbara

What a lovely shower! It had to be postponed (almost twice!) because of the crazy winter weather we've had this year. Have I even mentioned that in this blog? It's been a hideous winter in Asheville! More snow and grey days than we've ever had! Let's hope it ends soon and mama and baby will bake in the sunshine this Spring!

Anyway, LOVED the group of women in attendance at this shower (Julie, Barbara, Justine, Pat, Tammy, Lynelle, Cheryl, Amy N., Nancy T., Meg, Karen C., Bobbie, Joyce). Everyone went around and offered their words of wisdom. One that stood out was to buy the same color and style of socks so we won't have to worry about matching them up! Smart!

Brian was beaming. Rachel was glowing. Granny was gracious!

the last ultrasound....

Our last ultrasound was, as usual, very special and amazing. Each time I see that heart beating I get a thrill that can't be compared to anything I've ever experienced. There wasn't too much to see this time, as she's running out of room and the lack of amniotic fluid made any 3-D pics impossible. Her foot was right up against her head....(little flexible yoga like her parents!). She has grown perfectly and is now in the 48th percentile. She weighs in at around 5#, 10oz, and they suspect that she'll be well over 7# at birth. Goodness!!!

Both Granny (who claims now she wants to be "Bubbie!") and Brian were beaming the whole time. I couldn't possibly be happier.

GETTING BIGGER!!!!

33 weeks pregnant. Today I read that it's a cool thing when you stop counting how many weeks pregnant you are, and start counting how many weeks you have left!!!

SEVEN MORE WEEKS!!!!

baby daddy

I LOVE MY BABY'S DADDY

and feel absolutely adored and supported!!!!

Thanks BB!

Aunt Tam

Lucky little baby girl. Aunt Tammy came over today to talk and CLEAN!!! Together we scrubbed down all 1,000 toys that this kid already has, along with car seats, swings, and lots more! It was a fun, festive, and oddly special ritual that begins what I hope will be a life long relationship between Tammy and peanut!

Shelly and Karen's shower

Another amazing baby shower! Shelly and Karen hosted a co-ed, spirited, gathering. The "GUNCLES" (gay uncles) all drove in from out of town and it was such a treat to have them be a part of this. Karen had a candle lighting ceremony where each person sent their loving intentions to us, and when labor begins everyone will relight their candle to again, send supportive energy our way. Special. They also had a basket where people can write their "words of encouragement for Brian to read to Rachel during labor". That should be fun.... In attendance were Kristen, Brian, Ella, Elijah, Thomas, Roc, Alan, Charles, Billy, Chad, Dave, Pam and Robert (nice surprise!), Shelly, Justin, Karen, Zach, and Tracy.

Birthing Class with Nana and Grandpa

Nana and Grandpa attending our second birthing class with us. What a joy to share that experience with them. I think they got a true sense of just how supportive and loving Brian has been in this process and they grew even more excited about what the future holds....

Carleen, our teacher, was thrilled to have them involved and participating.

Kim and frenJen's baby shower

Our first of FOUR amazing baby showers, filled with love and support from so many wonderful girlfriends. A yummy brunch and LOTS AND LOTS of awesome presents for baby!!! I was giddy opening them all (Brian left the unwrapping to me....thanks!). Granny, Grandpa, and Nana united for the first of many, many occasions. Most favorite gift was a beautiful handmade blanket from Nana.....something we will treasure for years to come. In attendance were Kathy H, Louly, Michelle F and baby Eleni....so itty bitty!!!, Tracy, Becca, and Christina, Diane D., Leslie, Julie and Amy (how treatful is THAT!!!), Shelly, Tammy and me and Bubbah. We had a lovely dinner with Fren Jen the night before, who drove in from Wilmington to be with us. I feel extremely loved!

Grandpa

Grandpa folds and hangs his first load of baby's laundry! Does he look happy, or what???

1/15 ULTRASOUND

Today Nana and Grandpa came with me and Brian to our latest MAHEC ultrasound. Our ultrasound tech, Vicki, was awesome and patient, trying several times to give us a 3D glimpse of little baby! Sweet girl was head down (LOW!) and folded like a slice of NY pizza! We saw all four chambers of her heart beating away (140 bpm!) and saw fluid in her stomach and bladder. We got to see her open her mouth wide, and had a sweet view of her precious nose and lips on 3D. As always, Brian held my hand throughout, and as always I cried my tears of ecstatic joy. I witnessed a "kick" on the screen and from the inside, and was surprised at what a small movement made such a big impact on what I felt. She's so big now that only one body part at a time would fit on the screen. They estimated that she weights 3.7 pounds and is about in the 28th percentile size wise. They predict a 7# baby. They said she had a somewhat small belly, but nothing to be concerned about. Dr. Cohlson came in and talked with us for a bit....we all liked her so much! She was positive and reassuring. I asked her to explain to my folks why it would benefit me to labor at home for a bit and I felt like she and I were on the same page about it. It was such a joy to share this with Nana and Grandpa. They were completely blown away!!!! What a fun weekend it's going to be!!!

aliens!!

Today for the first time I actually watched my stomach move while feeling it from the inside. VERY bizarre!!! I absolutely LOVE feeling this kid inside me. I suspect I'll miss that. I can't wait for Brian to be able to really feel/see movement. He's felt a few times but it's been pretty subtle.
I visited Mom last week and we just hung out and she put her head on my belly and little baby put on the performance of a lifetime! Mom said not only could she feel it, but she heard noises with each movement, like baby was in a tin can! It was very special.
Time is going VERY VERY fast! This month is crazy with birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, appointments, infant CPR class, doulas, baby showers! All so very exciting!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

only 75 more days until anticipated due date! i can't wait to meet this little kung fu fighting, hiccuping princess!!!! i hope she has her daddy's eyes! i'm a big mama these days! my underwear no longer fits and ends up rolling down below my belly. i bought big ole granny pannies, they were too tight on the belly. brian asked...."well what do regular fat women wear". bless his heart...he tries to be sensitive and supportive. We had a fabulous New Years Eve, hosting a lovely dinner party and laughing until almost 2am with friends. We are very lucky!